Confession Of A Not-Too-Capable Mum

I have not been actively blogging for the past 4 months and for a good reason - Alfee. He is really a bundle of joy and pain, quite literally. The last time we weighed him, about two weeks ago, he was 7.5 kg. My whole body aches from just holding and rocking him. Like Sophie, he loves to be held and rocked... all the time! And of course, he sleeps very often in the day, but for very short span of 15 to 30 minutes usually. Fortunately, he sleeps quite well at night although he wakes up a few times for some milk and suckling. While I find the nights more manageable, the days are quite challenging. Because of his demanding nature and bouts of insane wailing, I am unable to do much of anything with Sophie.

Sophie has not been responding well to such unstructured lifestyle as well. I would be reading to her one minute and pacifying Alfee the next. That drives her crazy. After a while, she just gives up trying to do anything with me! I have to choose really short and easy activities to do with her or pick a golden moment when Alfee is asleep. And I also get my helper to carry him so that I can complete a drawing or read a book to Sophie. It is a hate-hate situation for sure. I hate leaving Alfee to my helper and I hate neglecting Sophie.

I hope when school starts in January, Sophie will be well and happy at school in the morning. That will give me the mornings with Alfee while she is away. After school, I will get my helper to coax him to sleep or entertain him while I do some work with Sophie. We have put aside our original intention of enrichment programmes in her school. She gets really cranky without her nap. Besides, we have I Can Read, Act 3 and Berries in the weekends. And we are still considering Little Notes from Yamaha. The rest will have to wait, I guess. My fingers are crossed that she would cope and learn well.

My Family

I have always been a very pessimistic and melancholic person despite whatever people around me think of me. However, I truly believe I am very blessed to have my family. We are not perfect, in fact, we are quite far from that. Such imperfections constantly challenge our faith and love for one another. At times, we drove one another to the brink of insanity. Yet without such fights, we would never learn acceptance and forgiveness. And I think love is all about affection, acceptance, devotion and forgiveness.

It is my wish that Sophie and Alfee love and take care of each other, especially after we are gone. I hope they would sit and talk about their childhood days for hours when they are all grown up with children of their own. Perhaps they would read my blogs and remember how much we so very love them.

A Moment Of Sanity

Gosh... my last entry was two months ago. It is not because I have nothing to blog about, definitely. I just have not got the time or energy to playback the events of each day in my mind and come up with the words to retell them. Each day passes by quickly and leaves a fuzzy mark behind... I seem to have lost track of time or maybe time has lost its meaning. I just know I have to manage a colicky baby who chokes at my breasts and a jealous big sister who regresses for attention. Not to forget, a domestic helper with a rebellious nature.


Well, not everything is bad. I still have my sanity and sense of humour although there were times I thought they no longer existed. Alfee's colic is now more manageable and Sophie... well, she is still Sophie. Her teachers at Cherrybrook said she is "wilful" and "socially needy". I agree. Of course, they also say loads of good stuff about her. She has an eye for details, good memory, sense of order and cheery deposition. She is bold and inquistive. She is very helpful towards others as well. But I am more concerned about her weaknesses. She can be very difficult to manage if she chooses to. And she always needs someone around to interact with. She is not a clingy child, on the contrary, she can be quite independent if I allow her to be. She just cannot bear to be alone. I need to come up with some strategy to make those character traits become her assets.


That is my plan for her next year. To cultivate patience, perseverance and self discipline in her and nurture her social skills. By now, I have come to terms with her character traits or flaws although it is not always easy for me to manage our interaction. After all, I am not a patient person myself. I never really got to work on this particular character flaw. I guess this is the perfect chance for me to do so. In order to help Sophie, I need to work on my own issues. Besides all the social-emotional stuff, I am exposing her to more preschool sort of activities, like dot-to-dot, colouring, tracing, mazes and what not. I hope our home learning can resume, yet I am taking it slow. With Alfee around, I am not sure how to work out a schedule that works for us. So far, it has been chaos and all the activities I did with Sophie were spontaneous.

The most significant change for Sophie would be her school life. Next year se would be in the morning from 8 am to 1 pm. This means no naptime in the morning. Longer hours also means she must feed herself and go diaperless. I intend to let her attend the enrichment programmes in her school as well. Very exciting. She gets to do speech and drama in Mandarin and English, soccer, dance and partipate in activities conducted in Mandarin. Outside school, she would be doing I Can Read, Little Notes and Berries. I hope I can come up with some art curriculum for her, since I cannot find an art school suitable for her.

CK's Back To Work

When I had Sophie, CK took a month's leave to help out at home. Now, he could only take 2.5 weeks of leave. Today, he had to go back to work. Although he was worried about me and the kids, I know he would probably go insane if he had to stay at home one more day. Sophie has been a tough cookie to manage and she tends to "bully" her daddy. As for me, I really appreciate the extra pair of hands especially when I have to care for Alfee. Yet, I also know that the sooner I take over the kids, the easier it is for things to normalise and stablise (at least with Sophie). Thus, this is the beginning of just me and 2 kids (excluding my domestic helper) at home in the day.

Our day is typically divided into 3 parts nowadays - morning, afternoon and night. Mornings are the most chaotic and busy for all of us. We have to settle Sophie's morning routine (toilet visits, changing out of her PJ, breakfast, toothbrushing), activity time, tv time, lunch (at 10am), her shower and finally naptime. Right now, Sophie is on medication (both western and TCM) so a little more coordination is needed. With Alfee around, Sophie's schedule is occasionally disrupted by his nursing time, diaper change and other needs (colicky). CK has to wake up earlier to keep Sophie busy and complete her morning routine while I carry our Alfee's morning routine (nursing, changing out of his PJ, wash up, tummy rub etc).

On school days, Sophie leaves for school with my dad around 1 pm and comes back by 5 pm. This gives me some time to spend quality time with Alfee and catch up on some sleep (ideally). Perhaps I can even squeeze in some blogging time as well. However, this is the week of school holidays. Sophie can only be a TV junkie for now. I really cannot do much with her with Alfee at my breast every 1.5 to 2 hours. Evenings are particularly stressful. I have to feed Sophie at 5 pm, followed by her bath and bedtime routine which total up to be 2.5 hours typically. I have to take Alfee everywhere we go and be flexible about each task at hand.

I guess at this point, my priority is to let Sophie adjust to the new member of our family. Alfee is here to stay so it is best that they learn to accomodate each others' needs and wants. The less Sophie disturbs him, the more time I will have to spend with her. Of course, I am making conscious effort to spend more time with Sophie especially after I breastfeed Alfee. And she is fast becoming my helper as well.

My Babies

By this time tomorrow, I will have Alfee in my arms. I am saying this with a heavy heart though because I am very nervous about the entire procedure and the coming week. Perhaps, I am not being very fair to Alfee because the bulk of my worries is how Sophie copes with my absence and his arrival. Having said that, I do anticipate Alfee's arrival with great joy and excitement. A new baby! My son! I will very soon be a mother of two beautiful children. No matter how much Sophie drives me up the wall, she is a beautiful little girl with a very innocent heart. She is always cheerful and enthusiastic to experience life and explore the world around her. I hope Alfee will also share her passion and sense of adventure. Certainly, I will raise them to be good companions to each other, keeping sibling rivalry to the minimum. After all, I never really enjoyed my childhood with my brother and sister and that is my lifelong regret.

Recently, I sang Sophie to sleep with "Rock-A-Bye-Baby". I came to realise how much she wants me to revert back to our old ways - I always sang to her when she was an infant in my arms. She must have missed that a lot but she does not know how to tell me. As she grew older, our expectations and the way we treat her change dramatically. We smile, sing and chat less to her. Instead, we frown, scold and reason with her more. We also spend more time on explicit learning and cut down on playing (just for the sake of playing) time. To her, I must have lost my sense of humour. She would stroke my forehead gently as I lay beside her at night, attempting to smoothen my frown. "Why are you angry?", "I don't want to make you angry.","I want to make you happy!" she would often say.

I feel sorry for her. I am not particular patient with children and she has to bear all my wrath and idiosyncrasies. I will haveto bear that in mind as I manage her from now on. After all, as mentioned by her principal, she is still "emotionally little" and I need to be "lovingly firm" with her. She is my precious baby (always will be) and I love her so much.

Last Lap

Alfee is currently 3.2 kg and ready to see the world next Wednesday. This time, we made a few changes to our birth and confinement plan. We booked a better hospital room and we intend to establish breastfeeding before we discharge. I am leaving the household chores and cooking to my domestic helper so even if my parents are around, they would be overworked. Although we still refuse to engage a confinement nanny, I believe I am definitely more experienced now to cope with a newborn. Also, we are equipped with better facilities now with changing tables, baby bouncer and gym mat. This time, I have made mental rehearsal of how things ought to be done, including Sophie in the process. I have not packed my hospital bag but the things are all put in the baby cot bed already.

My second pregnancy has been a difficult journey for me, partly because I have Sophie to attend to at the same time. I feel a little guilty that I have not been spending enough time or energy bonding with Alfee, compared to when I had Sophie. I was constantly bombarded with love hormones while I had Sophie, but I am always worried, tired and uptight nowadays. I have been very careful with my food intake as well so poor Alfee has not been enjoying much food. I also give Sophie a lot of attention and shower her with gifts to show that my love for her will only grow with the arrival of a new baby.

Suddenly, I feel very vulnerable and inadequate as a mother. I am not sure if I can provide Alfee with the same (or better) kind of quality care and education I have given Sophie. I am also not confident that Sophie will be getting enough of my attention and time once Alfee is born. I want to continue her home learning but I have not been very fruitful with my attempts. I got angry easily and my energy depleted even more easily. Things have not been moving much or smoothly at all. Sophie talks a lot more now but she has little interest for actual reading and her Chinese is still very amateurish. Maths is a problem as well. And she still does not want to start writing. I know she is only 2 years 8 months old but I want to start earlier before it is too late.

Face On

Alfee's face (32 weeks)

After we sent Sophie to school (first day), we hurried to TMC for our appointment with Dr Tan. Although we left Ah Gong in the office waiting, we left with a heavy heart. For the past month, I have gained 2.3 kg (a little over my target) but my blood sugar was 5.4 so I am still glad. Alfee is around 1.9 kg now. Hopefully, he will stay obediently inside until full term. I do not know why but somehow I have a feeling he cannot wait to come out and see the world, unlike Sophie who preferred to stay inside for as long as possible.

New Chapter

Sophie's teachers told me today that she is "more than ready" to cross over to the kindergarten side. So she would be officially in Nursery 1 from next week. That is a huge step for both me and Sophie. We are officially separated (after more than 3 years, including gestation) as an "entity" and Sophie has to fend for herself from now on. Well, at least in school...

Apart from getting her school uniform and other essentials, I have to get familiar with the school's culture and curriculum. For instance, they follow the Montessori philosophy and uses the Spalding Method for English lessons. I am familiar with Montessori but not the Spalding Method... yet. I have ordered books on it though so I have lots to read up on. I am also slowly teaching Sophie Chinese at home. I started with basic vocabulary (body parts) and so far, she was quite receptive. In school, she would probably learn Chinese according to themes as well but lots more singing and fingerplays.

Apart from the core aspects of learning English (writing, speaking, spelling, reading), the children also follow themes for their English lessons. The first theme is "Sea Creatures" which would stretch 2 weeks. At the end of the two weeks, they would visit Underwater World in Sentosa (field trip). I like the idea personally but I worry if I could tag along with my bump getting bigger each day. Also, they have Art and Music Appreciation Programme and this term, they are doing "Paul Klee" and "Mozart". I am not sure how they would do it though. I like the fact that they send us newsletter to inform us about their plans for the term. That way, I can reinforce on my own at home.

The only concern - I am still not done with my Alphabet books so should I shelf it or do it concurrently?

"求人不如求己"

I finally understood the meaning of "求人不如求己" and it all started with my attempt to look for a Chinese home tutor for Sophie. I have always been very resistant to teaching her Chinese, partly because I feel that I am not good enough. After my experience with the trial lesson I had arranged for Sophie, I am convinced that I can probably do the job better. At least I would do more research and use better materials. Even if my standard is not good enough, Sophie will somehow grasp the basics. My only foes - "时间" and "心有余而力不足".

Grief

Recently, I read about a 3-year-old girl who died after eating some hawker food in Indonesia. She died in her mother's arm while they were rushing to the hospital in a boat. Sophie is 2.5 years old. I cannot imagine losing her. Everytime I think about it, my heart would hurt with emptiness and despair. I probably would be overcome by grief if anything bad ever happen to her. Then I heard about my friend's miscarriage and I thought about my own pregnancy. It has been tough to care for Sophie at the same time. And this pregnancy has not been easy either. I doubt I could handle it well if anything should happento Alfee either. It must be really a struggle for any mother to cope with their loss and grief.

Grief

Recently, I read about a 3-year-old girl who died after eating some hawker food in Indonesia. She died in her mother's arm while they were rushing to the hospital in a boat. Sophie is 2.5 years old. I cannot imagine losing her. Everytime I think about it, my heart would hurt with emptiness and despair. I probably would be overcome by grief if anything bad ever happen to her. Then I heard about my friend's miscarriage and I thought about my own pregnancy. It has been tough to care for Sophie at the same time. And this pregnancy has not been easy either. I doubt I could handle it well if anything should happento Alfee either. It must be really a struggle for any mother to cope with their loss and grief.

Sushi Making Session (Gathering)

Our Sushi Making Session at Annie’s place yesterday was a great opportunity for me to take a break from “educating” and “managing” Sophie. It has been so tough for us to remain civilised to each other that I welcomed the few hours of relief with open arms. I needed to be in the company of adults again; I missed that so much.

I gathered a lot of insights about parenting this afternoon also. All the mummies there are overworked, extremely dedicated and very loving towards their children. Compared to them, my experience seems a lot less intense. Sophie is alright... normal at least. I just need to exercise patience and let her develop according to her own pace.

Sushi Making Session (Gathering)

Our Sushi Making Session at Annie’s place yesterday was a great opportunity for me to take a break from “educating” and “managing” Sophie. It has been so tough for us to remain civilised to each other that I welcomed the few hours of relief with open arms. I needed to be in the company of adults again; I missed that so much.

I gathered a lot of insights about parenting this afternoon also. All the mummies there are overworked, extremely dedicated and very loving towards their children. Compared to them, my experience seems a lot less intense. Sophie is alright... normal at least. I just need to exercise patience and let her develop according to her own pace.

Think-A-Lot On A Rainy Day

Ever since young, I have never considered myself a person who is blessed with close friends or kindred spirits. It just never happened. I used to fret over it and even cry over it, but now I just manage it. I know I do not think or act quite like others and I never will. I am envious of course when I see others getting all the support, encouragement and help from their peers. However, I know that it is important for me to be self reliant because ultimately no one can lead my life for me. In any case, I seldom ask that from my peers.

Think-A-Lot On A Rainy Day

Ever since young, I have never considered myself a person who is blessed with close friends or kindred spirits. It just never happened. I used to fret over it and even cry over it, but now I just manage it. I know I do not think or act quite like others and I never will. I am envious of course when I see others getting all the support, encouragement and help from their peers. However, I know that it is important for me to be self reliant because ultimately no one can lead my life for me. In any case, I seldom ask that from my peers.

Disciplining Sophie

It has been really challenging for the past month for me to carry out activities with Sophie and blog about them. We all took turns feeling down with flu. There were days that we could not keep our spirits high enough to be civilised with one another. It does not help when Alfee is demanding attention as well. He has been moving around a lot and he often pushes himself against my tummy, making it hard for me to breathe.

CK’s work load has also increased tremendously, compared to his previous job, so he has much less time with us on weekdays. To top it off, my parents has been sick as well. Thus, they have to keep their distance from Sophie. Although it is the June holidays and we do not attend Cherrytots, I find it hard to function normally.

I guess it is also around this period that Sophie’s need for “autonomy” goes into full swing. She struggles with daily wants and needs that cannot be easily satisfied by me. I am either stricken by fear for her safety or frustration for the lack of progress in our daily operations. Her ability to communicate has also improved so she can articulate her thoughts and feelings much better and her expectations on us to accommodate her have been raised by a few notches too. Thus, there is a lot more negotiating and arguing than before. Yet cognitively, she cannot understand our intentions and lack of compassion at her desperation for independence.

After doing some asking around and research, we tried to apply strategies that are widely used and promoted.

1. Offer Choices

Sophie has an issue with tasks like diaper change, toilet visits (toilet training now), bath and even meals. She would run and make us chase her around the house whenever we tell her it is time to do those tasks. So, we used to grab her screaming and kicking and “force” her to comply.

Nowadays I would offer her choices. I would let her know a few minutes earlier before it is time for the task and then give her the option.

For example,

“Do you want to walk to the bathroom yourself or do you want me to drag / carry you there?”

“You bathe now or sleep in the bathroom tonight!”

“Put away your toys or I will throw them away!”

2. Clear and Easy-To-Understand Rules

Sophie would sometimes hit us out of anger and frustrations or for fun. I used to give her my infamous glare and yell at her to stop doing that.

Nowadays, I give her a stern and low warning.

For example,

"YOU do not hit MUMMY!"

”Do that again and you are going to sit in the room by yourself!”

Sophie is quite a TV addict, so she would scream and cry when I switch the TV off. I used to just walk away and let her wail but it became a concern when she could reach and turn the TV back on again. Sometimes she even threw the remote control to vent her frustration.

Nowadays, she would switch off the TV herself (using the remote control) after a programme. It all started when I gave her clear conditions for watching TV. I told her if she wanted to watch TV, she could not cry or protest when I switch it off after the show. Once agreed, she could watch TV in peace and I let her switch the TV off herself.

3. Sense Of Control

I hated it when she demanded, “I want to do it myself!” although I should be proud of her. The problem is she loses interest and starts messing up whenever we let her have her way.

Nowadays, I “scotch tape” my eyes and let her try doing everything herself. However, I do not want her to think that I am giving in to her demands and cries. So, I would ask her if she wants to do it before she can demand to do it herself. When she loses interest or stops doing it, I would take over and the rest would be smooth sailing.

4. Distraction

This is probably the most used method for us. We used it whenever Sophie gets obsessed with something that we cannot provide for her. I must give credit to Papa though. In order to distract her from some impending tantrum, he would cup his hands and say to her, "Look Sophie, what's inside? It's fresh air!" However, we found that she remembers too well and the distraction cannot last long, unfortunately.

5. “Naughty Corner”

I never really like the idea of a naughty corner. It is like an escape route for bad behaviour and it makes Sophie seem “naughty”. Thus, I would direct her to her playroom or bedroom and leave her alone while I cool off. Of course she would wail and try to come out, but I would direct her back. I think it is my own anger that needs to be managed and this method works for me. On its own, it does not really do much for Sophie’s behaviour.

6. Ignore

Sophie is very dramatic whenever she throws a tantrum. She would plunge into my arms and beg for my forgiveness, "It's my fault, I am so sorry!". Then she would cling on to me and pleaded for a hug and a kiss. She is smart because I would not be able to scold her since she does most of the talking. I used to get so frustrated that I just walk off with her following behind. Realising that she is relentless in her pursuit, I make sure she stays out of my sight and vice versa. I think “ignoring” helps to demonstrate that tantrums does not get anyone anywhere.

In a nutshell, I am always struggling to discipline her and that really wears me out. On one hand, I am tempted to use the “quick fix” and “terrorise” her into compliance. On the other, I know that is not a good parenting strategy and it does not help her develop self discipline. So by the end of the day, I am frustrated, exhausted and guilty. Currently, I am retreating and doing research again on parenting and discipline. Hopefully, I can learn something good.

Disciplining Sophie

It has been really challenging for the past month for me to carry out activities with Sophie and blog about them. We all took turns feeling down with flu. There were days that we could not keep our spirits high enough to be civilised with one another. It does not help when Alfee is demanding attention as well. He has been moving around a lot and he often pushes himself against my tummy, making it hard for me to breathe.

CK’s work load has also increased tremendously, compared to his previous job, so he has much less time with us on weekdays. To top it off, my parents has been sick as well. Thus, they have to keep their distance from Sophie. Although it is the June holidays and we do not attend Cherrytots, I find it hard to function normally.

I guess it is also around this period that Sophie’s need for “autonomy” goes into full swing. She struggles with daily wants and needs that cannot be easily satisfied by me. I am either stricken by fear for her safety or frustration for the lack of progress in our daily operations. Her ability to communicate has also improved so she can articulate her thoughts and feelings much better and her expectations on us to accommodate her have been raised by a few notches too. Thus, there is a lot more negotiating and arguing than before. Yet cognitively, she cannot understand our intentions and lack of compassion at her desperation for independence.

After doing some asking around and research, we tried to apply strategies that are widely used and promoted.

1. Offer Choices

Sophie has an issue with tasks like diaper change, toilet visits (toilet training now), bath and even meals. She would run and make us chase her around the house whenever we tell her it is time to do those tasks. So, we used to grab her screaming and kicking and “force” her to comply.

Nowadays I would offer her choices. I would let her know a few minutes earlier before it is time for the task and then give her the option.

For example,

“Do you want to walk to the bathroom yourself or do you want me to drag / carry you there?”

“You bathe now or sleep in the bathroom tonight!”

“Put away your toys or I will throw them away!”

2. Clear and Easy-To-Understand Rules

Sophie would sometimes hit us out of anger and frustrations or for fun. I used to give her my infamous glare and yell at her to stop doing that.

Nowadays, I give her a stern and low warning.

For example,

"YOU do not hit MUMMY!"

”Do that again and you are going to sit in the room by yourself!”
Sophie is quite a TV addict, so she would scream and cry when I switch the TV off. I used to just walk away and let her wail but it became a concern when she could reach and turn the TV back on again. Sometimes she even threw the remote control to vent her frustration.

Nowadays, she would switch off the TV herself (using the remote control) after a programme. It all started when I gave her clear conditions for watching TV. I told her if she wanted to watch TV, she could not cry or protest when I switch it off after the show. Once agreed, she could watch TV in peace and I let her switch the TV off herself.

3. Sense Of Control

I hated it when she demanded, “I want to do it myself!” although I should be proud of her. The problem is she loses interest and starts messing up whenever we let her have her way.

Nowadays, I “scotch tape” my eyes and let her try doing everything herself. However, I do not want her to think that I am giving in to her demands and cries. So, I would ask her if she wants to do it before she can demand to do it herself. When she loses interest or stops doing it, I would take over and the rest would be smooth sailing.

4. Distraction

This is probably the most used method for us. We used it whenever Sophie gets obsessed with something that we cannot provide for her. I must give credit to Papa though. In order to distract her from some impending tantrum, he would cup his hands and say to her, "Look Sophie, what's inside? It's fresh air!" However, we found that she remembers too well and the distraction cannot last long, unfortunately.

5. “Naughty Corner”

I never really like the idea of a naughty corner. It is like an escape route for bad behaviour and it makes Sophie seem “naughty”. Thus, I would direct her to her playroom or bedroom and leave her alone while I cool off. Of course she would wail and try to come out, but I would direct her back. I think it is my own anger that needs to be managed and this method works for me. On its own, it does not really do much for Sophie’s behaviour.

6. Ignore

Sophie is very dramatic whenever she throws a tantrum. She would plunge into my arms and beg for my forgiveness, "It's my fault, I am so sorry!". Then she would cling on to me and pleaded for a hug and a kiss. She is smart because I would not be able to scold her since she does most of the talking. I used to get so frustrated that I just walk off with her following behind. Realising that she is relentless in her pursuit, I make sure she stays out of my sight and vice versa. I think “ignoring” helps to demonstrate that tantrums does not get anyone anywhere.

In a nutshell, I am always struggling to discipline her and that really wears me out. On one hand, I am tempted to use the “quick fix” and “terrorise” her into compliance. On the other, I know that is not a good parenting strategy and it does not help her develop self discipline. So by the end of the day, I am frustrated, exhausted and guilty. Currently, I am retreating and doing research again on parenting and discipline. Hopefully, I can learn something good.

Alfee, My Boy

I am always worried at the clinic during our check-ups. There is a whole host of potential problems, including gestational diabetes, to worry about. Fortunately, I only put on 1.4 kg for the past month and 500g went to Alfee. He is currently around 1.26 kg, which is a good weight. I wonder how heavy he would be by the time he is 40 weeks old. I hope we can maintain a good 2kg increase of weight per month till end August.

Validation

I received a comment from a complete stranger about one of my video uploads of Sophie. It was posted in September last year and she was doing a bean mosiac then. At that time, we were still participating in the Open-ended Art organised by an American blogger mummy. She was asking me for details to our craft because she was using it for her Early Childhood Education. Of course, I referred her to my blog. I feel so encouraged by the comments.

Although I know I am hardly qualified in Early Childhood Education, there should be things I do right with Sophie. And open-ended art is probably one of them. Unfortunately, we have stopped doing open-ended art ever since my American blogger friend stopped hosting it with her weekly themes. Maybe I should do my own themes. Anyway, I always believe in sharing of information and knowledge to promote progress.

Validation

I received a comment from a complete stranger about one of my video uploads of Sophie. It was posted in September last year and she was doing a bean mosiac then. At that time, we were still participating in the Open-ended Art organised by an American blogger mummy. She was asking me for details to our craft because she was using it for her Early Childhood Education. Of course, I referred her to my blog. I feel so encouraged by the comments.

Although I know I am hardly qualified in Early Childhood Education, there should be things I do right with Sophie. And open-ended art is probably one of them. Unfortunately, we have stopped doing open-ended art ever since my American blogger friend stopped hosting it with her weekly themes. Maybe I should do my own themes. Anyway, I always believe in sharing of information and knowledge to promote progress.

Alfee's Progress

Alfee at 24 weeks (715g)

We had a busy afternoon today. We went for our routine check up at TMC before rushing down to meet our tutor at Cherrybrook. Alfee is growing well at 24 weeks, weighing approximately 715g. I am, on the other hand, putting on too much weight. So far, I have gained almost 6 kg since the start of my pregnancy. Although it might not seem much, I must start controlling my weight gain or I might end up with gestational diabetes again. Easier said than done though. I am hungry ALL THE TIME! My gynae said I am doing weightlifting with Sophie and Alfee would definitely be bigger than his "zair zair".

Self Care

Ever since I resigned, especially after Sophie was born, I have been neglecting my physical appearance. Although CK does not really mind, I do not feel groomed at all and I feel bad when we meet his friends or colleagues outside. For someone who believes firmly that grooming is a form of respect for the self, as well as others, this is highly unacceptable. Having said that, I am also not in favour of over indulgence in beauty products. Beauty products should enhance one's looks and not create an entirely new persona. Thus, I go for the basics when cosmetics and skin care products are concerned. Lately, I try to pay more attention to my looks. And I realised how much I have aged since we got married.

Self Care

Ever since I resigned, especially after Sophie was born, I have been neglecting my physical appearance. Although CK does not really mind, I do not feel groomed at all and I feel bad when we meet his friends or colleagues outside. For someone who believes firmly that grooming is a form of respect for the self, as well as others, this is highly unacceptable. Having said that, I am also not in favour of over indulgence in beauty products. Beauty products should enhance one's looks and not create an entirely new persona. Thus, I go for the basics when cosmetics and skin care products are concerned. Lately, I try to pay more attention to my looks. And I realised how much I have aged since we got married.

Occasional Panic

Whenever I came across popular blogs or read comments of other parents, I would get a little worried. Most of the time, I read about parents raving about the use of flashcards in reading, speech and whatever. I also read about their success stories in sleep and toilet training. Of course I am envious that their children can achieve so much at such a tender age. However, I wonder what sort of world Sophie would have to face in the future as well.

Sadly, it is a performance-based society. It does not matter HOW one does it so long as one can show WHAT has been done. No one seems to value a child's passion, innocence and creativity anymore. Of course people still talk fondly of their "cute" children, but these qualities are not valued. Instead, people look at how early they can read or write, how many extra-curriculum activities they can cope with, and how well they can function independently without their parents. Doubt me? Just listen to the conversations of most parents nowadays.

I am not immune to this either. However, I make it a point to appreciate Sophie's personality and focus more on the process of learning and the passion in knowledge acquisition rather than the outcome. Having said that, I know the world would not be as forgiving towards her. She would be judged according to their standards. For that, I am terrified for her. I do not know if she would be resilient and brave enough to deal with others. Hopefully, I can prepare her and build a strong character in her. I believe this is more important than toilet training, sleeping independently and self-help skills. These would come in time with enough practise and encouragement, but inner strength might take a lifetime to cultivate.

Now that Alfee is coming into our lives, I have asked myself many times if I would do anything differently in raising him. Yes, of course. But I would not change my philosophy. No flashcards. No hard core learning. Just plenty of activities to get him all excited about learning new concepts and mastering new skills. Hopefully, my kids would grow up to appreciate my efforts in their upbringing... some day.

Occasional Panic

Whenever I came across popular blogs or read comments of other parents, I would get a little worried. Most of the time, I read about parents raving about the use of flashcards in reading, speech and whatever. I also read about their success stories in sleep and toilet training. Of course I am envious that their children can achieve so much at such a tender age. However, I wonder what sort of world Sophie would have to face in the future as well.

Sadly, it is a performance-based society. It does not matter HOW one does it so long as one can show WHAT has been done. No one seems to value a child's passion, innocence and creativity anymore. Of course people still talk fondly of their "cute" children, but these qualities are not valued. Instead, people look at how early they can read or write, how many extra-curriculum activities they can cope with, and how well they can function independently without their parents. Doubt me? Just listen to the conversations of most parents nowadays.

I am not immune to this either. However, I make it a point to appreciate Sophie's personality and focus more on the process of learning and the passion in knowledge acquisition rather than the outcome. Having said that, I know the world would not be as forgiving towards her. She would be judged according to their standards. For that, I am terrified for her. I do not know if she would be resilient and brave enough to deal with others. Hopefully, I can prepare her and build a strong character in her. I believe this is more important than toilet training, sleeping independently and self-help skills. These would come in time with enough practise and encouragement, but inner strength might take a lifetime to cultivate.

Now that Alfee is coming into our lives, I have asked myself many times if I would do anything differently in raising him. Yes, of course. But I would not change my philosophy. No flashcards. No hard core learning. Just plenty of activities to get him all excited about learning new concepts and mastering new skills. Hopefully, my kids would grow up to appreciate my efforts in their upbringing... some day.

Little Alfee's Detailed Scan

XD at 20 weeks

We did a detailed scan today. Everything is good and we got quite a good look at Alfee. At the end of it all, we received a CD-Rom of all the images captured during the scan. However, this is my favourite. It is Alfee's profile and he has his hand right in front of his face. I strongly believe that he will turn out just as playful and cheeky as his sister. Strange enough, I finally feel that Alfee is on his way into our lives after this scan. Prior to this, I was still trying to cope with the morning sickness and all. Now I am eating better (putting on weight quickly) and I am thinking of him more. Our new EDD is 30 August. I hope I will get everything ready by then.

Alfee, My Son.

Alfee is most certainly different from Sophie when she was in my tummy. Even before I officially found out about his gender, I had guessed that he would be a boy. When I had Sophie, I wanted a boy but luckily she is a lovely girl. I thought I could have another girl so that Sophie would have a sister for companion. Well, obviously I did not have much say in that. Everyone says it is a blessing that my second child is a boy because now our family is complete. Although I am only lukewarm about this perspective, I know Alfee will bring a lot of new experiences and joy to us. After all, it must be quite different raising a boy.

Sophie's Down Again

It seems like Sophie would fall sick every 3 months or so. This time, she started with a few days of sneezing and eventually it has become a runny nose and cough. So, no sleep for me again...

While Daddy Is Away

My dad signed up a package tour to New Zealand a couple of months ago, long before he found out about my mum’s condition. Her diabetes can no longer be controlled by oral medication so she needs the insulin jabs now. Her doctor advised that prolonged intake of diabetic medication can cause kidney problems so insulin jabs are much safer and effective for her. However, it is tough for my mum to accept this new arrangement. She cannot jab herself or even prick her own finger for the blood tests. She relies on my dad to do it for her. For that, I admire my dad. He is 70 years old and yet he is willing to learn how to do it.

For my mum, this is a step closer to death. Before my grandma died, she was on insulin jabs and she had to amputate part of her leg (knee down) due to diabetes. My mum thinks she is following my grandma’s footsteps. She has tremendous fear that as she becomes sicker, nobody will care for her. At the same time, she feels guilty for putting all of us in this current situation. Although she claims she is too stressed out to learn how to jab herself and all, I know she is slowly and secretly learning just in case no one will do it for her one day.

While my dad is away, I am responsible for jabbing my mum every night. The plan was for her to sleep over at our place. I could not sleep the first night, wondering if she was okay and checking on her every now and then. I had nightmares about it. I fear that the needle would break inside as I pull it out. I worry about insulin shock if I gave her too much. Then my mum decided she can sleep better at her own place, so CK drives her home every night. That worries me even more since I can no longer monitor her at night.

When I was just becoming confident, my mum suffered food poisoning in the middle of the night two days ago. After she left our place, she started vomiting and had severe diarrhoea. No one knew because she did not want to “bother” us. She subsequently got better in the morning and called me. I was totally shocked and saddened that she did not inform me earlier. What if she needed to be hospitalised or injured herself during the night? Apparently, my brother called her that night (thinking that he had missed her call) and she told him. Yet, it did not occur to him to inform me or attend to her that night.

I did not pursue the matter. I know my mum feels bad about relying on others so I try not to magnify it. My parents took care of me for the past two years because Sophie was young and dependent. I really cannot turn down anything they want me to do for them now. My dad put my mum in my care while he is away, something that he would not do unless he has got no other choice. If I would to ask my brother to share the burden, my parents would think that I am not willing to help them. Thus, I shall carry the burden myself. And make it seem like a piece of cake!

While Daddy Is Away

My dad signed up a package tour to New Zealand a couple of months ago, long before he found out about my mum’s condition. Her diabetes can no longer be controlled by oral medication so she needs the insulin jabs now. Her doctor advised that prolonged intake of diabetic medication can cause kidney problems so insulin jabs are much safer and effective for her. However, it is tough for my mum to accept this new arrangement. She cannot jab herself or even prick her own finger for the blood tests. She relies on my dad to do it for her. For that, I admire my dad. He is 70 years old and yet he is willing to learn how to do it.

For my mum, this is a step closer to death. Before my grandma died, she was on insulin jabs and she had to amputate part of her leg (knee down) due to diabetes. My mum thinks she is following my grandma’s footsteps. She has tremendous fear that as she becomes sicker, nobody will care for her. At the same time, she feels guilty for putting all of us in this current situation. Although she claims she is too stressed out to learn how to jab herself and all, I know she is slowly and secretly learning just in case no one will do it for her one day.

While my dad is away, I am responsible for jabbing my mum every night. The plan was for her to sleep over at our place. I could not sleep the first night, wondering if she was okay and checking on her every now and then. I had nightmares about it. I fear that the needle would break inside as I pull it out. I worry about insulin shock if I gave her too much. Then my mum decided she can sleep better at her own place, so CK drives her home every night. That worries me even more since I can no longer monitor her at night.

When I was just becoming confident, my mum suffered food poisoning in the middle of the night two days ago. After she left our place, she started vomiting and had severe diarrhoea. No one knew because she did not want to “bother” us. She subsequently got better in the morning and called me. I was totally shocked and saddened that she did not inform me earlier. What if she needed to be hospitalised or injured herself during the night? Apparently, my brother called her that night (thinking that he had missed her call) and she told him. Yet, it did not occur to him to inform me or attend to her that night.

I did not pursue the matter. I know my mum feels bad about relying on others so I try not to magnify it. My parents took care of me for the past two years because Sophie was young and dependent. I really cannot turn down anything they want me to do for them now. My dad put my mum in my care while he is away, something that he would not do unless he has got no other choice. If I would to ask my brother to share the burden, my parents would think that I am not willing to help them. Thus, I shall carry the burden myself. And make it seem like a piece of cake!

Over Rainbow Hurdles

People always tell us that we would become complacent with our second and subsequent pregnancies. I guess our little Alfee could not let that happen and I must say, he has succeeded. His presence is very felt and there isn't a single day we don't think (worry) about him.

At first, there was some spotting and my gynaecologist labelled him as "threatened abortion". Then came a series of unstoppable morning sickness, unbearable bloatedness, loss of appetite and mysterious hives. Unfortunately, my condition has not been improving at all and I doubt I would ever enter the "honeymoon" period. Still, I entered my "nesting" period and started bought a bouncer and playgym for him.

Then came the Oscar Test results a few days after that, and put my nesting instincts in cold storage. We waited almost a month before we could do an amniocentesis procedure. And the results would only be ready in two weeks. We opted for PCR which consists only the results for common choromonal abnormalitites. Thank God, Alfee is so far normal and healthy. However, we still have to wait for the full report.

So much to worry for us and I am sure there will be more to come. I guess I am trying to get by each day, seeing each challenge as rainbow hurdles for me to jump over. Some require calculated moves while others are just leaps of faith.

Over Rainbow Hurdles

People always tell us that we would become complacent with our second and subsequent pregnancies. I guess our little Alfee could not let that happen and I must say, he has succeeded. His presence is very felt and there isn't a single day we don't think (worry) about him.

At first, there was some spotting and my gynaecologist labelled him as "threatened abortion". Then came a series of unstoppable morning sickness, unbearable bloatedness, loss of appetite and mysterious hives. Unfortunately, my condition has not been improving at all and I doubt I would ever enter the "honeymoon" period. Still, I entered my "nesting" period and started bought a bouncer and playgym for him.

Then came the Oscar Test results a few days after that, and put my nesting instincts in cold storage. We waited almost a month before we could do an amniocentesis procedure. And the results would only be ready in two weeks. We opted for PCR which consists only the results for common choromonal abnormalitites. Thank God, Alfee is so far normal and healthy. However, we still have to wait for the full report.

So much to worry for us and I am sure there will be more to come. I guess I am trying to get by each day, seeing each challenge as rainbow hurdles for me to jump over. Some require calculated moves while others are just leaps of faith.

Down & Out

I thought I would have more energy and time for Sophie during my "honeymoon" second trimester. I could not be more wrong, apparently. My morning sickness still persists and on top of that, I have to deal with hives as well. Also, I have to do an amniocentesis in 2 weeks and wait 2 more weeks for the results. By the time I know if XD is ok, my second trimester would be soon over. There isn't a single day that I feel great and full of energy ever since the beginning of the year. And lately, I really feel the weight on my shoulders. I cry almost everyday about the possibility of losing XD.

I have to train Sophie to get her ready for Nursery 1 in July - toilet training and self-feeding. I also have to train her to sleep without me. I need to keep my body healthy and watch my diet to prevent Gestational Diabetes. I must protect XD from Sophie - sometimes she would try to sit on me or climb all over me. I need to prepare my confinement menu and allocate work to everyone so that I can concentrate on milk production. I need to train my domestic helper to take over some of my responsibities with Sophie. On top of that, I worry about XD a lot. I have stopped shopping for baby stuff for the moment but if all goes well, I would have to prepare the nursery room in April.

Honestly, I feel overwhelmed and scared. I doubt I can cope with everything. I am still working on overcoming my driving phobia. It's something that nobody takes seriously, unfortunately. No one seems to understand how much it has affected me and how much I want to overcome it. At the same time, it's not something that I can just "drive and overcome". It took me 10 years to bring myself to learn driving, how long would I need to start driving? It saddens me everytime I think about it.

There is so much to bear and so little of me to do it. I am so weak and I am starting to tremble under the weight. Yet Sophie needs a strong mummy. She is a highly sensitive child who needs to be managed well. I am so tired and worn out. The weather does not help. Thank goodness, my domestic helper can take over the household chores with minimal supervision.

I really worry about how things would be like when I am due. I have to do a c-section again and I hate the thought of dealing with an unforgiving 2-yr-old then. I wish I could just give up. I am only human.

Down & Out

I thought I would have more energy and time for Sophie during my "honeymoon" second trimester. I could not be more wrong, apparently. My morning sickness still persists and on top of that, I have to deal with hives as well. Also, I have to do an amniocentesis in 2 weeks and wait 2 more weeks for the results. By the time I know if XD is ok, my second trimester would be soon over. There isn't a single day that I feel great and full of energy ever since the beginning of the year. And lately, I really feel the weight on my shoulders. I cry almost everyday about the possibility of losing XD.

I have to train Sophie to get her ready for Nursery 1 in July - toilet training and self-feeding. I also have to train her to sleep without me. I need to keep my body healthy and watch my diet to prevent Gestational Diabetes. I must protect XD from Sophie - sometimes she would try to sit on me or climb all over me. I need to prepare my confinement menu and allocate work to everyone so that I can concentrate on milk production. I need to train my domestic helper to take over some of my responsibities with Sophie. On top of that, I worry about XD a lot. I have stopped shopping for baby stuff for the moment but if all goes well, I would have to prepare the nursery room in April.

Honestly, I feel overwhelmed and scared. I doubt I can cope with everything. I am still working on overcoming my driving phobia. It's something that nobody takes seriously, unfortunately. No one seems to understand how much it has affected me and how much I want to overcome it. At the same time, it's not something that I can just "drive and overcome". It took me 10 years to bring myself to learn driving, how long would I need to start driving? It saddens me everytime I think about it.

There is so much to bear and so little of me to do it. I am so weak and I am starting to tremble under the weight. Yet Sophie needs a strong mummy. She is a highly sensitive child who needs to be managed well. I am so tired and worn out. The weather does not help. Thank goodness, my domestic helper can take over the household chores with minimal supervision.

I really worry about how things would be like when I am due. I have to do a c-section again and I hate the thought of dealing with an unforgiving 2-yr-old then. I wish I could just give up. I am only human.

Poor Little XD

Poor little XD is in trouble. And I am totally clueless to what I should do now. I don't want to lose XD, not after we have already bonded. My little baby, I will always love you...

Little XD

We did our Oscar Test on XD today. Little XD was all curled up and it took a lot of probing to get him/her to straighten up for the scan. Just 3 weeks ago, we saw the little limb buds moving. Today, we could saw the arms and legs moving around. I even took a good look at his/her face (2D profile only) and apparently, XD has CK's nose (similar to Sophie's nose). We would only get the results on Saturday so meanwhile, our fingers remained crossed.

XD At 12th Week

This was XD's image when we did the Oscar Test today.

Blessings

I should be thankful that Rose, my domestic helper, is relatively well trained in housekeeping work. Although she does not seem to talk much and she cannot really cook Chinese dishes well, she cleans thoroughly and she is willing to learn. I am currently trying to relinquish some of my time with Sophie to her. We will test out if she can handle art and craft sessions with Sophie. I need to train her how to interact and discipline Sophie while she does her work. It is challenging but possible. After all, I have trained teachers before so this should not be too tough. I just need to work out a schedule and a SOP. Meanwhile, I am lending Rose some of my books and showing her our blogs to get her more familiar with the sort of activities we do at home. If all is well, maybe I can even start training other domestic helpers in delivering art and craft sessions.

Blessings

I should be thankful that Rose, my domestic helper, is relatively well trained in housekeeping work. Although she does not seem to talk much and she cannot really cook Chinese dishes well, she cleans thoroughly and she is willing to learn. I am currently trying to relinquish some of my time with Sophie to her. We will test out if she can handle art and craft sessions with Sophie. I need to train her how to interact and discipline Sophie while she does her work. It is challenging but possible. After all, I have trained teachers before so this should not be too tough. I just need to work out a schedule and a SOP. Meanwhile, I am lending Rose some of my books and showing her our blogs to get her more familiar with the sort of activities we do at home. If all is well, maybe I can even start training other domestic helpers in delivering art and craft sessions.

Super Stressed Out Week

Before Sophie's fingal infection recovers, she is down with a fever. CK has been sick for a week and so has my mum. My dad is now showing signs of nasal congestion too. My skin is getting from bad to worse. Now there are red, angry-looking bumps that itch like nobody's business. My morning sickness has not improved either, in fact, my appetite has become worse lately. Even my cat, Bearie, injured herself and I don't know how bad it is. But from the way my dad described, I think she might need to see a vet.

Super Stressed Out Week

Before Sophie's fingal infection recovers, she is down with a fever. CK has been sick for a week and so has my mum. My dad is now showing signs of nasal congestion too. My skin is getting from bad to worse. Now there are red, angry-looking bumps that itch like nobody's business. My morning sickness has not improved either, in fact, my appetite has become worse lately. Even my cat, Bearie, injured herself and I don't know how bad it is. But from the way my dad described, I think she might need to see a vet.

Bad Mood

My life can be a lonely journey filled with worries, fears, unknowns, sadness and heartaches... sometimes. Today, I let my pessimism ooze out of my every pore and quite literally soaked myself in it, in attempt to exhaust its overwhelming power over me. I am still at the soaking stage, unfortunately. I don't really care how much a pain in the butt I must seem to be. And I doubt anyone who cares either. Everyone has their own story to tell so unless mine is exceptionally useful or interesting, who really bothers? I run out of fuel to even begin pouring out my sorrows to whoever willing to lend me an ear. I see no point actually. What can others possibly do to make things better? Oh yes, maybe just one thing - shoot me. However, that might lead to an epidemic of misery when my melancholy spills out of my body as I fall to the ground. That won't do either, will it? For even in my present state of self-indulgence and "teeth-clenching" sort of agony, I am still noble enough not to spread my disease to those around me. So I chose to swallow my bitterness and go to bed early. Perhaps I can seek solace in pleasant dreams or just simply find some peace in the darkness.

Bad Mood

My life can be a lonely journey filled with worries, fears, unknowns, sadness and heartaches... sometimes. Today, I let my pessimism ooze out of my every pore and quite literally soaked myself in it, in attempt to exhaust its overwhelming power over me. I am still at the soaking stage, unfortunately. I don't really care how much a pain in the butt I must seem to be. And I doubt anyone who cares either. Everyone has their own story to tell so unless mine is exceptionally useful or interesting, who really bothers? I run out of fuel to even begin pouring out my sorrows to whoever willing to lend me an ear. I see no point actually. What can others possibly do to make things better? Oh yes, maybe just one thing - shoot me. However, that might lead to an epidemic of misery when my melancholy spills out of my body as I fall to the ground. That won't do either, will it? For even in my present state of self-indulgence and "teeth-clenching" sort of agony, I am still noble enough not to spread my disease to those around me. So I chose to swallow my bitterness and go to bed early. Perhaps I can seek solace in pleasant dreams or just simply find some peace in the darkness.

Second Scan Of XD (Xiao Dou)

XD (10 weeks)

This morning, we left Sophie and Rose with my mother-in-law and visited our gynaecologist at Thomson Medical Centre. Dr Tan said XD is growing well and it seems our pregnacy is no longer "threatened". However, she wants me to continue with the hormone pills (reduced dosage) just in case. I lost some weight too, but no big deal. When we looked at the ultrascan, XD was moving and kicking about. So cute! There was a surge of maternal happiness in me that nearly got translated into tears. It lasted 3 seconds or so. For the first time since we found out about XD, it felt real. XD is real and growing in my womb.

Heartache

I wept today when Sophie refused to put away her stuff. To many, it might have been a normal thing but to me, it was not so normal. She was much more cooperative before I started neglecting her two weeks ago. I have myself to blame. Everyone tells me to leave her to my helper since I am not feeling well. But the consequences? I want the control back. I want her to be independent and responsible. That means I will have to bite the bullet and endure the "you ask for it" if I should feel discouraged, tired or stressed out. But I can compromise everything else... except my children. Even if I get no support, I cannot give in and leave my children to the helper. She is good but she is not Sophie's mum.

Bad Vibes

I met an acquaintance today; someone whom I have not seen (actually I meant "talked to") for at least 8 years. Actually, I have seen him a couple of times but I tried not to acknowledge him. I have a nasty but almost instinctive habit of evading from acquaintances I meet. Now, I guess I understood why I have always preferred not to say "hi". We talked only a little, but I sensed that he was trying to size me up. He and his wife are property agents now. Naturally, he got a little excited to know CK works in OUB and we stay in a condo. I am not used to "social networking" of such sort so our conversation left me with a slight bitter after taste. However, he really got to me when he said I have put on weight! I meant, what did he expect? After 8 years? AND I AM PREGNANT! He does not look as young as before either! I actually tried to joke about it by saying it was all because of Sophie (standing innocently besides me). And he gave me a "Ya-ya, my wife says so too!" look.

Bad Vibes

I met an acquaintance today; someone whom I have not seen (actually I meant "talked to") for at least 8 years. Actually, I have seen him a couple of times but I tried not to acknowledge him. I have a nasty but almost instinctive habit of evading from acquaintances I meet. Now, I guess I understood why I have always preferred not to say "hi". We talked only a little, but I sensed that he was trying to size me up. He and his wife are property agents now. Naturally, he got a little excited to know CK works in OUB and we stay in a condo. I am not used to "social networking" of such sort so our conversation left me with a slight bitter after taste. However, he really got to me when he said I have put on weight! I meant, what did he expect? After 8 years? AND I AM PREGNANT! He does not look as young as before either! I actually tried to joke about it by saying it was all because of Sophie (standing innocently besides me). And he gave me a "Ya-ya, my wife says so too!" look.

'Tis So Challenging

Life has become very challenging since we found out about No.2. We have to quickly get a domestic helper so that we can train her to work independently within 6 months. We called in our carpenter to fix up our master bedroom so that we can use it when No.2 arrives. We have also started school for Sophie which means a great deal of travelling and adjusting for her and us. We must toilet train her in time for pre-nursery as well.

Lots of things to do and so little time and energy on my part. I need to be horizontal a lot more than I am willing to. With Sophie, I was not so helpless. I could rest when I had to. This time, it was really hard to let myself relax. On one hand, I want to provide better care for No.2, on the other, I really hate to compromise Sophie's learning. In fact, I have stopped the activities with her after we found our that I was spotting. It has been almost 2 weeks and I feel really bad about it.

It helps that we recently met up with our mentor at Cherrybrooks. She reminded us to see the big picture and let go of those small inconveniences and hiccups. She also validated our efforts in educating Sophie and encouraged us to remain thankful that we could provide such a good home environment for her. By staying at home, I am able to have full control over how we bring Sophie up. The challenge is how we can do the same for No.2. She also wants us to bear "unity" in mind. Both of us must remember that we are "one" and our family can only function well if we stay that way. I guess sometimes it is good to have the perspective of an external professional.

'Tis So Challenging

Life has become very challenging since we found out about No.2. We have to quickly get a domestic helper so that we can train her to work independently within 6 months. We called in our carpenter to fix up our master bedroom so that we can use it when No.2 arrives. We have also started school for Sophie which means a great deal of travelling and adjusting for her and us. We must toilet train her in time for pre-nursery as well.

Lots of things to do and so little time and energy on my part. I need to be horizontal a lot more than I am willing to. With Sophie, I was not so helpless. I could rest when I had to. This time, it was really hard to let myself relax. On one hand, I want to provide better care for No.2, on the other, I really hate to compromise Sophie's learning. In fact, I have stopped the activities with her after we found our that I was spotting. It has been almost 2 weeks and I feel really bad about it.

It helps that we recently met up with our mentor at Cherrybrooks. She reminded us to see the big picture and let go of those small inconveniences and hiccups. She also validated our efforts in educating Sophie and encouraged us to remain thankful that we could provide such a good home environment for her. By staying at home, I am able to have full control over how we bring Sophie up. The challenge is how we can do the same for No.2. She also wants us to bear "unity" in mind. Both of us must remember that we are "one" and our family can only function well if we stay that way. I guess sometimes it is good to have the perspective of an external professional.

First Scan Of Baby XD (Xiao Dou)

We feel that we need to have a name for the little baby (even before we know its gender). We called Sophie XD which stands for Xiao Dan (little egg) then. But we cannot seem to get comfortable with any names so far. Finally, I think I will call the little one XD as well, but it stands for Xiao Dou (little pea). I like XD because it looks like a face laughing hysterically. I want my children to be happy always and never be like their mama who is ever so pessimistic and melancholic.

Xiao Dou (8 weeks)

Hang In There, Baby!

My second pregnancy has proven to be more challenging than I could ever imagine. Besides the perpetual morning sickness and lethargy, my stomach is very bloated. Although I am only 2 months pregnant, my tummy looks big. Also, it hurts when I eat and hurts when I don't. Yesterday, my gynaecologist said I am spotting and labelled me as "threatened abortion". Fortunately, the baby is "at this point still alive". That really freaked me out. With Sophie, everything was quite smooth sailing. The hormone level was high, not much morning sickness and she grew without any problem until I got gestational diabetes in the last trimester.

I really hope the baby would be ok. It is tough to manage Sophie without overexerting myself. She still wants me to carry and play with her, which means lots of physical exertion. Also, I have to accompany her to school. Of course it does not help that my room is currently going through some low grade renovation. I have to stay away whenever the guys come over to fix up the wardrobe and fixtures. I am quite worried now. Yet nothing much I can do besides taking the hormone pills, rest as much as I can and stay positive. I probably can't do much blogging for now.

Hang In There, Baby!

My second pregnancy has proven to be more challenging than I could ever imagine. Besides the perpetual morning sickness and lethargy, my stomach is very bloated. Although I am only 2 months pregnant, my tummy looks big. Also, it hurts when I eat and hurts when I don't. Yesterday, my gynaecologist said I am spotting and labelled me as "threatened abortion". Fortunately, the baby is "at this point still alive". That really freaked me out. With Sophie, everything was quite smooth sailing. The hormone level was high, not much morning sickness and she grew without any problem until I got gestational diabetes in the last trimester.

I really hope the baby would be ok. It is tough to manage Sophie without overexerting myself. She still wants me to carry and play with her, which means lots of physical exertion. Also, I have to accompany her to school. Of course it does not help that my room is currently going through some low grade renovation. I have to stay away whenever the guys come over to fix up the wardrobe and fixtures. I am quite worried now. Yet nothing much I can do besides taking the hormone pills, rest as much as I can and stay positive. I probably can't do much blogging for now.