The blood tests show that I have Sjogren's Syndrome, an autoimmune disorder. It's too mild for medication yet it can easily deteriorate into organ issues within months. It's like having a time bomb placed inside my body ... by myself. Or maybe it's more like a lifestyle regulator implanted by God.
In a way, I'm thankful for this. I have been neglecting my health, psychological and emotional well-being for a very long time, always emphasising on my intellect and thought process. Now I am forced to exam my lifestyle and weed out those harmful elements that can further destroy my health. My disorder isn't life threatening now so it gives me more space and time to address factors that otherwise would have been cast aside for more immediate medical demands.
At the same time, I feel depressed. I'm sick. There's no doubt about it now. The report says so. All the nagging problems I have been experiencing are very real. I am fatigue, I am seeing ghostly images from the corners of my eyes, my body is constantly aching and my mouth dry. Sometimes, I find myself breathing harshly even when I am sitting down. After the report, I have new worries... a simple fever, a heat rash or even some bad warm lighting can trigger anxiety and panic in me. Am I going to get kidney or liver failure?
I am responsible for my own health... but what should I do now? Or should I do nothing? I have nothing medically conclusive to do. Diet or alternative healing? Exercise or relaxation? I don't know, really. Meanwhile, I am also responsible for my kids' lives.
