Sophie's Down Again

It seems like Sophie would fall sick every 3 months or so. This time, she started with a few days of sneezing and eventually it has become a runny nose and cough. So, no sleep for me again...

While Daddy Is Away

My dad signed up a package tour to New Zealand a couple of months ago, long before he found out about my mum’s condition. Her diabetes can no longer be controlled by oral medication so she needs the insulin jabs now. Her doctor advised that prolonged intake of diabetic medication can cause kidney problems so insulin jabs are much safer and effective for her. However, it is tough for my mum to accept this new arrangement. She cannot jab herself or even prick her own finger for the blood tests. She relies on my dad to do it for her. For that, I admire my dad. He is 70 years old and yet he is willing to learn how to do it.

For my mum, this is a step closer to death. Before my grandma died, she was on insulin jabs and she had to amputate part of her leg (knee down) due to diabetes. My mum thinks she is following my grandma’s footsteps. She has tremendous fear that as she becomes sicker, nobody will care for her. At the same time, she feels guilty for putting all of us in this current situation. Although she claims she is too stressed out to learn how to jab herself and all, I know she is slowly and secretly learning just in case no one will do it for her one day.

While my dad is away, I am responsible for jabbing my mum every night. The plan was for her to sleep over at our place. I could not sleep the first night, wondering if she was okay and checking on her every now and then. I had nightmares about it. I fear that the needle would break inside as I pull it out. I worry about insulin shock if I gave her too much. Then my mum decided she can sleep better at her own place, so CK drives her home every night. That worries me even more since I can no longer monitor her at night.

When I was just becoming confident, my mum suffered food poisoning in the middle of the night two days ago. After she left our place, she started vomiting and had severe diarrhoea. No one knew because she did not want to “bother” us. She subsequently got better in the morning and called me. I was totally shocked and saddened that she did not inform me earlier. What if she needed to be hospitalised or injured herself during the night? Apparently, my brother called her that night (thinking that he had missed her call) and she told him. Yet, it did not occur to him to inform me or attend to her that night.

I did not pursue the matter. I know my mum feels bad about relying on others so I try not to magnify it. My parents took care of me for the past two years because Sophie was young and dependent. I really cannot turn down anything they want me to do for them now. My dad put my mum in my care while he is away, something that he would not do unless he has got no other choice. If I would to ask my brother to share the burden, my parents would think that I am not willing to help them. Thus, I shall carry the burden myself. And make it seem like a piece of cake!

While Daddy Is Away

My dad signed up a package tour to New Zealand a couple of months ago, long before he found out about my mum’s condition. Her diabetes can no longer be controlled by oral medication so she needs the insulin jabs now. Her doctor advised that prolonged intake of diabetic medication can cause kidney problems so insulin jabs are much safer and effective for her. However, it is tough for my mum to accept this new arrangement. She cannot jab herself or even prick her own finger for the blood tests. She relies on my dad to do it for her. For that, I admire my dad. He is 70 years old and yet he is willing to learn how to do it.

For my mum, this is a step closer to death. Before my grandma died, she was on insulin jabs and she had to amputate part of her leg (knee down) due to diabetes. My mum thinks she is following my grandma’s footsteps. She has tremendous fear that as she becomes sicker, nobody will care for her. At the same time, she feels guilty for putting all of us in this current situation. Although she claims she is too stressed out to learn how to jab herself and all, I know she is slowly and secretly learning just in case no one will do it for her one day.

While my dad is away, I am responsible for jabbing my mum every night. The plan was for her to sleep over at our place. I could not sleep the first night, wondering if she was okay and checking on her every now and then. I had nightmares about it. I fear that the needle would break inside as I pull it out. I worry about insulin shock if I gave her too much. Then my mum decided she can sleep better at her own place, so CK drives her home every night. That worries me even more since I can no longer monitor her at night.

When I was just becoming confident, my mum suffered food poisoning in the middle of the night two days ago. After she left our place, she started vomiting and had severe diarrhoea. No one knew because she did not want to “bother” us. She subsequently got better in the morning and called me. I was totally shocked and saddened that she did not inform me earlier. What if she needed to be hospitalised or injured herself during the night? Apparently, my brother called her that night (thinking that he had missed her call) and she told him. Yet, it did not occur to him to inform me or attend to her that night.

I did not pursue the matter. I know my mum feels bad about relying on others so I try not to magnify it. My parents took care of me for the past two years because Sophie was young and dependent. I really cannot turn down anything they want me to do for them now. My dad put my mum in my care while he is away, something that he would not do unless he has got no other choice. If I would to ask my brother to share the burden, my parents would think that I am not willing to help them. Thus, I shall carry the burden myself. And make it seem like a piece of cake!

Over Rainbow Hurdles

People always tell us that we would become complacent with our second and subsequent pregnancies. I guess our little Alfee could not let that happen and I must say, he has succeeded. His presence is very felt and there isn't a single day we don't think (worry) about him.

At first, there was some spotting and my gynaecologist labelled him as "threatened abortion". Then came a series of unstoppable morning sickness, unbearable bloatedness, loss of appetite and mysterious hives. Unfortunately, my condition has not been improving at all and I doubt I would ever enter the "honeymoon" period. Still, I entered my "nesting" period and started bought a bouncer and playgym for him.

Then came the Oscar Test results a few days after that, and put my nesting instincts in cold storage. We waited almost a month before we could do an amniocentesis procedure. And the results would only be ready in two weeks. We opted for PCR which consists only the results for common choromonal abnormalitites. Thank God, Alfee is so far normal and healthy. However, we still have to wait for the full report.

So much to worry for us and I am sure there will be more to come. I guess I am trying to get by each day, seeing each challenge as rainbow hurdles for me to jump over. Some require calculated moves while others are just leaps of faith.

Over Rainbow Hurdles

People always tell us that we would become complacent with our second and subsequent pregnancies. I guess our little Alfee could not let that happen and I must say, he has succeeded. His presence is very felt and there isn't a single day we don't think (worry) about him.

At first, there was some spotting and my gynaecologist labelled him as "threatened abortion". Then came a series of unstoppable morning sickness, unbearable bloatedness, loss of appetite and mysterious hives. Unfortunately, my condition has not been improving at all and I doubt I would ever enter the "honeymoon" period. Still, I entered my "nesting" period and started bought a bouncer and playgym for him.

Then came the Oscar Test results a few days after that, and put my nesting instincts in cold storage. We waited almost a month before we could do an amniocentesis procedure. And the results would only be ready in two weeks. We opted for PCR which consists only the results for common choromonal abnormalitites. Thank God, Alfee is so far normal and healthy. However, we still have to wait for the full report.

So much to worry for us and I am sure there will be more to come. I guess I am trying to get by each day, seeing each challenge as rainbow hurdles for me to jump over. Some require calculated moves while others are just leaps of faith.

Down & Out

I thought I would have more energy and time for Sophie during my "honeymoon" second trimester. I could not be more wrong, apparently. My morning sickness still persists and on top of that, I have to deal with hives as well. Also, I have to do an amniocentesis in 2 weeks and wait 2 more weeks for the results. By the time I know if XD is ok, my second trimester would be soon over. There isn't a single day that I feel great and full of energy ever since the beginning of the year. And lately, I really feel the weight on my shoulders. I cry almost everyday about the possibility of losing XD.

I have to train Sophie to get her ready for Nursery 1 in July - toilet training and self-feeding. I also have to train her to sleep without me. I need to keep my body healthy and watch my diet to prevent Gestational Diabetes. I must protect XD from Sophie - sometimes she would try to sit on me or climb all over me. I need to prepare my confinement menu and allocate work to everyone so that I can concentrate on milk production. I need to train my domestic helper to take over some of my responsibities with Sophie. On top of that, I worry about XD a lot. I have stopped shopping for baby stuff for the moment but if all goes well, I would have to prepare the nursery room in April.

Honestly, I feel overwhelmed and scared. I doubt I can cope with everything. I am still working on overcoming my driving phobia. It's something that nobody takes seriously, unfortunately. No one seems to understand how much it has affected me and how much I want to overcome it. At the same time, it's not something that I can just "drive and overcome". It took me 10 years to bring myself to learn driving, how long would I need to start driving? It saddens me everytime I think about it.

There is so much to bear and so little of me to do it. I am so weak and I am starting to tremble under the weight. Yet Sophie needs a strong mummy. She is a highly sensitive child who needs to be managed well. I am so tired and worn out. The weather does not help. Thank goodness, my domestic helper can take over the household chores with minimal supervision.

I really worry about how things would be like when I am due. I have to do a c-section again and I hate the thought of dealing with an unforgiving 2-yr-old then. I wish I could just give up. I am only human.

Down & Out

I thought I would have more energy and time for Sophie during my "honeymoon" second trimester. I could not be more wrong, apparently. My morning sickness still persists and on top of that, I have to deal with hives as well. Also, I have to do an amniocentesis in 2 weeks and wait 2 more weeks for the results. By the time I know if XD is ok, my second trimester would be soon over. There isn't a single day that I feel great and full of energy ever since the beginning of the year. And lately, I really feel the weight on my shoulders. I cry almost everyday about the possibility of losing XD.

I have to train Sophie to get her ready for Nursery 1 in July - toilet training and self-feeding. I also have to train her to sleep without me. I need to keep my body healthy and watch my diet to prevent Gestational Diabetes. I must protect XD from Sophie - sometimes she would try to sit on me or climb all over me. I need to prepare my confinement menu and allocate work to everyone so that I can concentrate on milk production. I need to train my domestic helper to take over some of my responsibities with Sophie. On top of that, I worry about XD a lot. I have stopped shopping for baby stuff for the moment but if all goes well, I would have to prepare the nursery room in April.

Honestly, I feel overwhelmed and scared. I doubt I can cope with everything. I am still working on overcoming my driving phobia. It's something that nobody takes seriously, unfortunately. No one seems to understand how much it has affected me and how much I want to overcome it. At the same time, it's not something that I can just "drive and overcome". It took me 10 years to bring myself to learn driving, how long would I need to start driving? It saddens me everytime I think about it.

There is so much to bear and so little of me to do it. I am so weak and I am starting to tremble under the weight. Yet Sophie needs a strong mummy. She is a highly sensitive child who needs to be managed well. I am so tired and worn out. The weather does not help. Thank goodness, my domestic helper can take over the household chores with minimal supervision.

I really worry about how things would be like when I am due. I have to do a c-section again and I hate the thought of dealing with an unforgiving 2-yr-old then. I wish I could just give up. I am only human.