While Daddy Is Away

My dad signed up a package tour to New Zealand a couple of months ago, long before he found out about my mum’s condition. Her diabetes can no longer be controlled by oral medication so she needs the insulin jabs now. Her doctor advised that prolonged intake of diabetic medication can cause kidney problems so insulin jabs are much safer and effective for her. However, it is tough for my mum to accept this new arrangement. She cannot jab herself or even prick her own finger for the blood tests. She relies on my dad to do it for her. For that, I admire my dad. He is 70 years old and yet he is willing to learn how to do it.

For my mum, this is a step closer to death. Before my grandma died, she was on insulin jabs and she had to amputate part of her leg (knee down) due to diabetes. My mum thinks she is following my grandma’s footsteps. She has tremendous fear that as she becomes sicker, nobody will care for her. At the same time, she feels guilty for putting all of us in this current situation. Although she claims she is too stressed out to learn how to jab herself and all, I know she is slowly and secretly learning just in case no one will do it for her one day.

While my dad is away, I am responsible for jabbing my mum every night. The plan was for her to sleep over at our place. I could not sleep the first night, wondering if she was okay and checking on her every now and then. I had nightmares about it. I fear that the needle would break inside as I pull it out. I worry about insulin shock if I gave her too much. Then my mum decided she can sleep better at her own place, so CK drives her home every night. That worries me even more since I can no longer monitor her at night.

When I was just becoming confident, my mum suffered food poisoning in the middle of the night two days ago. After she left our place, she started vomiting and had severe diarrhoea. No one knew because she did not want to “bother” us. She subsequently got better in the morning and called me. I was totally shocked and saddened that she did not inform me earlier. What if she needed to be hospitalised or injured herself during the night? Apparently, my brother called her that night (thinking that he had missed her call) and she told him. Yet, it did not occur to him to inform me or attend to her that night.

I did not pursue the matter. I know my mum feels bad about relying on others so I try not to magnify it. My parents took care of me for the past two years because Sophie was young and dependent. I really cannot turn down anything they want me to do for them now. My dad put my mum in my care while he is away, something that he would not do unless he has got no other choice. If I would to ask my brother to share the burden, my parents would think that I am not willing to help them. Thus, I shall carry the burden myself. And make it seem like a piece of cake!